Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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