you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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