There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
