god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
