Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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