WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
