life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
