I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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