overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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