I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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