Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
