She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
