he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
