How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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