plz talk dirty to me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
