I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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