Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
