I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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