we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
