i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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