Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
