ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
