I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize