i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
