I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
