Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
