I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
