New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
