that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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