i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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