I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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