That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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