chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
