Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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