You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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