Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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