took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
