I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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