I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
