I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
