me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
