I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
