NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
