the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
