Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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