oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
