goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
