Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
