yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
