It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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