we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
