His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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