I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
