Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
