god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
