His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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