I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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