i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
