My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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