ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
