So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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