dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
