You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
