I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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