How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
