In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
