Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You've changed since you got that strap on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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