They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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