Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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