I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
