Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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