hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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