i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
