ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
