Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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