If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
