can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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