Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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