Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
