'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i'm inner monologue high
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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