All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
id be glad to
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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