My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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