Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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