Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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