and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
