I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
