i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
