Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
