Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
