I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
