I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
