Me too!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
