I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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