Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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