My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
