If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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