Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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