i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
