theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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