I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
